I have not blogged in two weeks. I’ve been a little busy planning a wedding and getting married.
I was 28 years old in the photo above when I got married the first time, on June 21, 1991. On September 23, 1993 I was divorced and single again. I refer to my first marriage as a “starter” marriage. A starter marriage is one that lasts less than five years and produces no children. I had no business getting married on that day. My Dad even asked me “Are you sure you want to get married?” The weekend before the wedding, the groom disappeared with my car and I had no idea where he was or who he was with.
But I got married anyway, and then got divorced. I am not here to bad mouth him.
I learned SO much from that marriage and subsequent divorce, and I went into detail in this post. It bears repeating here:
- I knew he wasn’t “the guy” but I got married anyway, and within two years, it was over.
- He moved on to another woman, who got pregnant, and he got the son he always wanted, and I had to let him go and be with her.
- I had unrealistic expectations of who he was and what he could do. That was totally unfair of me to put that burden on him.
- I processed my contribution to the demise of our marriage and let it go. I was 30 years old.
- I’m not saying it was easy or that it didn’t take a long time. It did.
- The most important things I learned were:
- You can’t change anyone. If you feel someone needs to change, you need to move on.
- It always takes two.
- No one person is 100% at fault.
A totally different experience.
I was nervous but confident in my decision to get married because I wasn’t getting married out of desperation or a need to feel loved, or on a rebound from another relationship.
I felt no need to try and change him.
I got married because of love and I can’t imagine life without the Captain.
It’s just that simple.